I'm stuck with α smile thαt doesn't fit me αnymore.

Helloo people.

So, I'm bored, as you should be able to tell by now ( because of me writing in this ). Um, I don't really have anything to say , so I'm going to randomly talk about whats been happening, which basically means nothing. Oh, when I went on this, I saw that Tina ( The crummy world of Toast ) has been posting lately AND she stole my picture that I stole from Shiloh ( ShilohCatasrophe , or however you spell it. ). Um, like my picture ? I like it too , xD Kind of gay since I'm so used to having someone respond to me.

Okay, So.. At our school we have some international people, Ildephonso[Mexican] a.k.a Poncho, Marina[German] and Maximillian[German]. I hope I spelt their names right. Oh, well . They are in my classes atleast 2 times. They are only here for a year. It's cool ;D

I'm falling behind in my math, its really hard for me. I was in Applied then went up into Medium . Mr. Walsh said that the people that came from applied would have some difficulty, he was right. I'm thinking about dropping it . I want to try first though. >_>'

Religion is gay . I have Mr. Mayer again. Not the best person to have for a teacher, i mean , he bible thumps. -_-' ugh. BUT we are doing World Religions, so he cant preach...as far as I know. We finished watching the movie 'The Rabbit Proof Fence', which was gay . It's about white folks taking away half caste (Half white, half native) children. I didn't like it that much . We just started another movie with Bruce Willis and Samuel L Jackson, Unbreakable.

In Leadership, my group did... Grade 12 Day (Eating contest) and helped with Grade 9 fun day . I totally created the best activity for the grade nines in the gym; making the best outfit out of toilet paper. It was great! ... I don't like the people who are in the class though. So I'm beginning toregret taking it .

Foods class is great, except for 2 people who I already don't like. I'm in grade eleven and I'm in grade 10 foods class, okay ? So, like, I'm starting to realise who some grade 10s are. Some are a pain in the ass. There are 2 guys: Chris and Nick. Chris won't shut the fuck up, he always tries to get attention and doesnt listen to the teacher. Mr. McGlynn is a very patient and nice guy.. He's even getting fed up with Chris's shit. He's told Chris to get out multiple times, even though he stays. And then Nick, oh my god, i had him in the first group activity we did. I don't like him. He brags but he has nothing to back it up. He said, " Oh, I could cook this by myself" for the Curry we were making... He couldn't even chop the pork tenderloin right! He just pissed me off all day .

We just finished Terry Fox too . I never liked doing the pledging so I brought in the minimum amount: $10. Each leadership student (includes me, unfortunately) got assigned a class to instruct about themes and stuff. I got Mr.Purcells grade 10 class, which happens to have a lot of people from my foods class in it. No Chris or Nick though, that made me happy. Except Luke was in it. He's a creeeep . He's a decent guy just picks on me kind of.. not in a completely bully-like way though. He asks if I'm going to the NCC dance (Last thursday) and stuff. Anyway, our theme was Army! RFOH%#ETNG I HATED IT . I don't have any green. It was hard. I met the "crazy girl", Lexi. She's super nice.. and pretty. and shes like a miniture me, xD. Same story and everything. just prettier [ ->Low self-esteem<-].

Okaaaay, I think I done. xD

I know how it feels to think of the right thing to say.. too late.

Happy Birthday to Denson,

who's birthday was yesturday . ;D

α mαn is only αs good αs whαt he loves ,

No matter what people say,

I'm going to marry that boy someday.

I'm not that girl.

I'm not the girl who gets attached.

I don't like feelings, they're messy.

And I don't like being hurt.

Why did I let him get to me,

When I know that everyone always leaves?

Run your finger tips around my waist

I will make your body my favourite place to

travel, baby I'll be spending the night.

Because I can barely breathe

with your weight on my chest,

and

I'm so fucking sick of being ashamed of my own flesh.

My future depends on many

thing, but mostly on you.

++Frank Tyger

So let it be just you and me tonight;

tangled up in each others arms,

with fireworks exploding in our hearts.

You can spend the night beside her.

And you know that she's half crazy,

but that's why you want to be there.

You're not worth

putting myself in these situations.

She calls out to the man on the street,

he can tell she's been crying.

She's got blisters on the soles of her feet,

she can't walk, but she's trying.

It's funny how I found him,

he was everything I wanted and

nothing I've been looking for.

I wish there was something I could say,

to erase each and every page you've been though,

even though it's not my place to save you.

Remember about the plans that we made?

About getting married and where we would stay.

Do you still hope that we end up that way?

Something's been causing this pain.

I know its not real, it just feels that way.

How did things dramatically change?

Wishg things would've just stayed the same.

Don't you dare wake me up.

I don't want to wake up without you next to me.

I'm leaving because you never asked me to stay.

++Dawsons Creek

I made you a promise.

I had no idea it would be so hard to keep,

but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try.

++Stephenie Meyer

Life's disappointments are harder to take when

you don't know any swear words.

I think it's okay that you're the only one that gets me,

& I love how I can't breathe quite right as you

slowly whisper in my ear,
"Beautiful, you owe me a dance tonight."

I love this one. >_<, So cute. ;D

There were some things I wanted to tell him.

But I knew they would hurt him.

So I buried them and let them hurt me.

++Jonathan Safron Foer

When someone asks, "are you okay,'

I always say, "What really is okay?'

Are you prepared to hear my answer?
Most people can't even answer the first question.

&& ' ℓιke the brιghтesт sтαr, you shιne тhrough,

I will be your accident if you will be my ambulance.
And I will be your screech and crash,
if you will be my crutch and cast.
And I will be your one more time
if you will be my one last chance.

Oh, fall for me.







Hello , I know it's been awhile. I had no intention of quitting.. for the record - I thought I'd let you know. Um, I seen the movie Julie & Julia today and it kind of made me say " Hey, I forgot.. I should keep going. The thing is, my computer is extremely slow, it takes me an hour or so just to finishONE post. Yeah, horrible, I know.

So, if you haven't noticed, my formatting is different. I thought about that, too (OMG, I THINK). The way I did it before was quick and to the point annnnnnd seems very... unprofessional..I guess? This is way more pro, ahahhaa. xD.

Um, it's been a very long time. Since my mother stole my computer tower and has been using it, I haven't been on as much because she is usually on facebook doing Pet Society and/or Farm Town. She does these everyday for houuurrrsss, T_T. I don't understand. And my computer continues to go slower as more pictures are added to my collection, more music is downloaded and the computer isn't being restarted frequently by moi . Mum said I'm getting a new computer next week and stuff, but It'll probly be crap >_>. When - IF - I get it, i'll definitely blog more annnnnnnnnd probably watch more anime, do everything more. Facebooking too .

It's kind of wierd writing like this. It feels as if I'm writing a story. Maybe I should write one soon... WHERE AM I GOING TO INSERT THE QUOTES? AH. LAME. I don't know where to put the quotes on here. :/ I have an idea *Glowing light bulb gently floats above my head* I'll sometimes just put blogs full of quotes because I think that's probably one of the best things about this blog, other than the stories, that is. I'm just that lame and boring.

Um, this summer.. a lot has happened actually. I have a job now, Community Developement Council, it's called. It's different from any other job I can think of really. It was fun at the beginning - Bagging diapers, becoming friends with Ashley & Rachel, Helping with the Good Food Box, but then.. We started gardening. I hate gardening. After this, if anyone asks me to garden.. They are going to give me $15/ hour, or I'll refuse. I'm so pro at gardening now, it's scary.
Gerald is the guy we work under. Even though he volunteers, he's one of my boss's (the scarier one) husband. SOO, obviously I have to be a good girl. He calls himself the Master of the Universe. He always talks about his accident he has a few years ago, yknow? So.. unbelievable. Literally. It sounds fake. But I'm not going to argue. He says that he was so muscular and everything and huge for being five foot five. I can understand that, it happens. But then he talks about how Doctors say he shouldn't have lived.. but since he was so muscular and well built and stuff - he lived. Thats a bit overboard but.. okay. THEN the gaurdian angel thing comes in. He says that during his recovery he could actually see his gaurdian angel. Long blonde ish hair, white robe, etc. Everyone says that. After he said that, I just started nodding. blah. Ashley & Rachel are cool though. : D

So I havent really hung out with many people this summer - Johnny went to cadet camp for 6 weeks, and Meatloaf is working. Tina, I hung out with . : ) Um, Nicole or Alex .. nada. I hung out with Johnny & meatloaf though. We saw Julie & Julia Today. " This is as hard as a stiff cock. " ROFLCAKES. That's great, :) good movie.

And.. And Mattchew came down couple weeks ago on July 26th, a saturday. He stayed till tuesday night. I was so happy, I nearly cried. Seriously. I'm a creep, but yeah. And..and, I could hardly believe he was here. It was like a scene from a movie. It felt so ... right being with him. It was great. He dropped his bags at my house and we slowly walked to Wendy's to eat. I wanted a frosty,or was it a shake? I don't know but I wanted it even though I was full >_>. The cherry on top. I wanted it. But nooo, I didn't get it. He paid for like everything T.T ; Food, MOVIES. OH MY GOD THE MOVIES - We seen The Ugly Truth. It was HILARIOUS. The vibrating underwear was... GREAT AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, :). He stayed in a motel after the first night when he slept at my house. It was fun. It was a nice room. We steamed up AND flooded the bathroom, xD. I enjoyed that a lot. The bed was comfy too, we ordered pizza and pepsi and just talked for a long time. :) There was even an AIR CONDITIONER - OMG ;D. It was fun. On the last night though, He wanted to leave at Seven pm instead of Nine pm. But I was extremely selfish and asked that he stayed for dinner and stuff. So he stayed for dinner then went to Dairy Queen to get the Banana Split we usually share.. together. It was nice, really nice. But then we went back and his bus was there. I promised I'd try not to cry, I promised. But.. he didn't. It was hard to see him leave, but I smiled. I wanted to cry to badly but he began "tearing" and I kissed him and reassured him :). It's nice to know I mean something to the person I love. It's nice to know he'll cry in public because he's leaving. I do miss him but he'll be back in 3-4 weeks, so I shouldn't be complaining, because after that, he's all mine. : ) I'm greedy♥.

He promised to bring me to the fair too, which is on the third to the sixth of september.
And yes, I do consider myself lucky. :)

Oh, and I think you should know that I get influenced by things pretty easily. Not people, things. and since I saw Julie & Julia.. I want to learn how to cook . >_> I asked my mum if she had any cookbooks. I want to try a little bit. I know I'll give up after awhile, but whatever. I have nothing else to do . ;D

There's thαt occαsionαl night where you just breαk down .

That happens to be my brother, Nik (Current Age: 19)
&& my little Nephew, Andre (current Age: 2)
[ I think that was taken around a year ago..]
Nik, when court was coming up so he can go in jail
( for unkown reason. xD),
he skipped to go to Edmonton.
Go him.
He is currently living in a garage.
He WAS living on the streets starving because
his "friends" ditched him and came back.
They took his clothes and everything.
I heard while eating ribs and corn for dinner
[ *grins* ribs... : D ]
He's going to British Columbia..
I forget why.
Anyway -
My nephew, Andre.. yeah, he has his one eye glued shut .
Who's fault?
TARA'S! That's right. Wooo, good guess.
It's sadd;
-

I miss you. I do. I love you.
evberyday, I wake up and have this ache in my chest,
and sometimes I just sleep in because I know
when I wake up;
you're not going to be there.
++ One Tree Hill

-

So, I REALLy haven't written in awhile.
Everyime I come on [ everyday ]
I'm all " AH! BLOG .............. later."
It's insane.
So, you may not know.. that i'm doing this workshop thing
in order to find a summer (maybe longer. : D) job.
Go, me.
I was one of the 70 that were picked.. out of a 100 and
something. Go, me. I'm tired.
Anyway, It's cool.
I met a boy named Nathan and.. this other kid,
I forget his name,
And Trevor from English class is there.
Horrible.
He keeps looking over, xD
Everytime I see him, I wave.
I can't help it.. he looks away so quickly. LOL
Um, Calvin, Mark Woodall, Jake (Ryans friend),
and I met a girl named Sherri.
Oh ans Trevor's friend, Danny.
woot friends. xD
-

You fall in love with someone because of
the tilt of his smile,
or because he could make you laugh,
or in this case,
because he made you believe you
were the only one who could save him.

-
I also have summer school . : /
My first day was today,
for academic english. :)
I have a huge package and am doing
grade 12 work, basically.
Not that I mind or anything.
But I want to write stories.
I want to write poems and express feeling,
since my art work doesn't show it that much .
>.>
I'm reading a book called Crabbe .
I told Mattchew and he reminded us
of our crab, Henry .
He's our "pet" STD.
We, obviously, don't have an STD.
But it's funny .
We joke around saying,
"How's Henry?" : D
Kind of wierd but it's great .
If it actually happened, I'd be like
WHOA. OMG STFU WTF BBQ.
Just kidding.
Marc wrote that on my picture today . xD
Funny.
-

Every man needs a woman when his
life is mess,
because the queen protects the king, just
like in a game of chess.

-
I'm bored.
I'll say the rest next time.
About toronto .
&& Gary getting angry at me,
nearly kicking my door down . : O

BAHH ; ♥
-

Music has become my therapy,
as you no longer want to listen.
you're shoulder no longer there to lean on.
you left me all alone with my headphones.

-

for everyone who thinks they know me, I forgive youu.

I forgot the stars on the jacket. Gawd, I suck.

Lenalee, I messed up on her face.

She's pretty. I wish I was , *sigh*

Allen Walker.
I should start watching it again maybe.
Starting from episode 50 ?

'You are the best parts of all the songs I love.

Hi. I'm bad,I know.
Stealing pictures from Shiloh & Bayley. >.>
I was going to put a picture of Shiloh on here,

of her in a red dress and converse.

It looks so great.
I didn't know it was her.

: O

I like this one too .
I also took some quotes from Bayley.
I like them .

Men aren't stupid, and you don't need a complicated set

of rules to find a good one who loves you. Here's the

only rule you need: if a man loves you, he will do anything

he can to keep you around. ANYTHING.

I feel a bit better since he's gone.
I mean, I'm not breaking down or
crying in the hallway or anything.
I think thats good. xD

Um, I don't him not to visit in August

so he can save his money . : D
Yeah, it'll be lonely,
But I'll be working and will have money

too . Then, thenn, THEN . : O
We can, after searching for a place for

him to live, go out for dinner or lunch

or even breakfast. >_>
I'd probably have to drag him out of bed then .
: )
I hope he can convince Damian or Mike to come

down so it'll be easier for Matthew to live here.

Plus, I'm actually kind of curious about the

people he hung out with before he met me.

He talks about them a lot.
I want to meet them . ^_^

I want to talk to Mike SO badly

because of a situation.
Gawd; T_T
It bothers me that I can't talk to him.
I want to help but Matthew said he wasn't

suppose to tell anyone.
So I can't say anything. : /

*sigh*
I can't say anything on here either. Dx

I refuse to because I don't know if this counts.

I know I'm not the best for you, but promise you'll stay.

Cause if I watch you go, you'll see me wasting,

you'll see me wasting.

++ Secondhand serenade

So, I had 3 assignments due in english.

An essay, Lord of the Flies Study Question

and a creative assignment which also has to be

presented. I did all of them.

And even volunteered to present today . : D
I picked the one where you write 5-8 poems.
I made 5.
My friend Heather did the Diary entries.

blah.

I have to do 3 other assignments for history.

the Isu on Terry Fox [ I'm doing the essay right now.

The stampp is finished.. almost], A war letter [ half way through]
And a memorial project.. [ havent started. xD]
All due this Friday which is sooo lame. : /

Oh, And I'm drinking Dr. Pepper. lol

You get a little moody sometimes.
but I think that's because you like to read.

People that like to read are always a little fucked up.

I drew some more pictures today during careers

in my little sketch book .
D.Gray man pics.
I'll upload them on the computer now and
put them on here.
They aren't that good though since I didn't
use pencil first. : /
They are overhead markers I think .
anyway ,
* currently uploading*
That took 5 minutes. : D
.. It won't upload to this section.
So, I'll post it in the nest blog. : D
Which I'll do right after I'm done here.
woot.

There's people making babies to my music.
That's nice.
++Barry White

Oh and my mum had a talk to Gary
about mistreating me and stuff like that
because a bit ago I went to hand out resumes
and I don't her I hated him
and that i'm so moving out when i'm 16.
So she freaked out on Gary telling him
stuff like,
" I only have one child left!"
Meaning my sister being.. not alive
and my brother being fucked up with
the police and stuff.
and etc.
yep yep yep .

Anyway,
Essay time.♥

She had a history of killing herself,

I had a habit of dying.
I think she gave me something to live for,

I guess I helped her pass time.