ιt's lιke the dιfference between looking good & feelιng good .

Wee . Hi .

Haven't written in awhile, I guess.

So I made another story.

And just got off grounding.
I was a bad girl .
And I found out lots of schools..
They have condoms in the principles office

and stuff so students can take them .
" Having sex in high school is inevitable so may as well be safe," right?
True, true.

Anyway , Here ;

-------------------------

Her tongue has bitemarks from all the things she didn't say .

-------------------------
Three years.


For three years, I have stares at him, wanting him o love me as much as I love him.

I first met him in grade four. I just transferred to a new school and he was the first friend I made. He scared me. I never once seen him cry or frown. He was the only person I considered truly happy.

As months passed, we beame closer. Everyday we were together, either at my house or his. Without realising it, I looked at him as if he was my brother I never had.

Six weeks later, I discovered his house empty, his lawn cleared of statues and toys and he didn't tell me anything. There weren't any clues, either. There was nothing.

When I was finally getting over the fact he was really gone, he entered my school in grade seven. He was back. After two and a half years, he came back .
----
I'm in grade ten now and I still don't know why he left, though he's still with me. I love him but I don't think I could ever tell him. I don't think he'll ever feel the same way I do .

Ever since he came back, I've been sp happy but we could never be together. He's popular and handsome.. and me ? I'm that girl you meet several times and you still can't remember her name.
----
I waddle through the hall, depressed, not able to dodge the crowd of happy things rushing past me, hitting my shoulders. I sigh and rub my eyes.

A firm hands grasps my shoulder and turns my body around. I see him. He grins and begins talking about his last class. My hearts melts as I watch him, barely listening.

" And then she looks at me and - My God! She's beautiful! " He yells and my heart freezes over.

" What... ?" He likes a different girl ? Of course.. He'd never look at me .

" I don't know her name yet, but I might ask her out." He ruffles his hair, "I'm goin' to class. See you."

I nod slowly, speechless.

I can't even pretend he's mine anymore.

" You idiot!" I scream down the hallway, hoping he hears me. Everyone looks my way and tears run down my cheeks. This is so frustrating ...

Three weeks later, he is walking with her down the hall. The only thing I can think about is how they looks so amazing together. And how I don't fit anywhere .

He walks up to me, waving back to the girl as she makes her way down the stairs. "Hey." He examines my face and frowns for the first time ever. " What's wrong ?"

I shouldn't tell him.

I can't tell him.

" Hey, tell me ! " He touches my shoulder, nudging me lightly. I slap his hand away, keeping my focus on my shoes.

" Don't touch me ." I barely speak .

" What are you talking about? What's wrong with you ?" His voice gets louder, more fierce. " Look at me! "

I continue staring at the ground .

" Why won't you look at me ?!"

" Leave me alone! I hate you! I never want to see your face again! Never! " I scream back and stomp away, angry.

I never thought anything bad would happen. If I knew, I never would have said anything .
----
The next morning, I heard he died. When he got home, he immediately locked himself in his room .hen he got home, he immediately locked himself in his room. His mom found him laying on his bed, his wrists slit open with the knife gently set beside him.

In third period, I was called down the to office to speak with his mom.

" He talked about you all the time." She said between sobs, " He left a note. I don't think it was directed to you but - It's about you. Please read. " She handed me the letter and blew her nose in the kleenex.

I loved her, mom .

I really did, but I could never tell

her. I was afraid. So afraid I'd be

rejected. I couldn't tell her how I felt.

She told me she hated me, mom.

I can't live with that. I love her .

I love you, too, mom.

I'm sorry .

I gasp for air, tears overwhelming me. The lump in my throat grows bigger as I attempt to fight back my need to cry. I gasp for air, tears overwhelming me. The lump in my throat grows bigger as I attempt to fight back my need to cry.

The boy that I loved for so long, loved me back. The boy that I loved for so long.. died becaise I didn't tell him how much he meant to me.

This boy, I love, could have been mine .

[ Note: The next blog.. is actually below this one.
Blogger is just being gay . : D ]

It hurts the most when you're the one who broke your heart;

This is the only picture I like right now.
Thats on my computer.
Because I'm at school.
Go, me .
...
I'm in Religion.
I don't know what to do because I
wasn't here yesturday .
I was at loyalist.
It was great .
I'll go step by step since the last blog
I did.. On what I did and stuff, kaii ? ^.^

And every night he cries.
He lies awake to realise
he's nothing without you .

Um, Yeah.. >.>
Hmm,
I don't remember .
... I got in trouble by my mom the other day .
I came home from Matthew's and
she was coming down the stairs from
just waking up .
I was telling her that she needs to stop drinking
Pepsi and she started bitching at me .
I stormed out, left to Matthews.
Stayed out past my curphew till 9pm.
But she didn't get mad .
Because apparently she already knew
I was going to do that .
Anyway, I'm bored talking bout this.
Let's talk bout something else .

You didn't love her because
you don't destroy people you love .

There is a new girl at our school.
She is in my history class.
Her name is Shay, I think .
I don't plan on making friends,
so I didn't really talk to her .
She's tall, her hair is brown and
is put up nicely. : )
Erm, She's kind of.. large .
She reminds me of Elyse .
[ Is that how you spell her name ?]
Elyse Cook.
[ Ugh, I saw her brother at... I don't remember .]
They are unproportioned..
Average legs and stuff but from the
waist up.. is larger .
Doesn't look right.
But ah well .

Sometimes I feel like nobody has held me
down & forced me to cry, or made me
hug them, or seen the inside of me .
I just say, " Oh, I'm fine." & walk away.
Nobody has ever said to me,
" No. you're not. "

[WARNING; ANIME CONVERSATION. ]

Hachaa.
Oh, oh, oh.
Kate & I were talking bout Shugo Chara.
How our favourite characters are
Ikuto and Amu.
I told her how I like it when Yaya
[ Another character from S.C.
She's more child-like. Her egg or whatever is
a baby with a big.. rattle. xD ]
calls Amu.. Amu-chii . : D
It's great .

She sits in the corner
singing herself to sleep;
Wrapped around promises
that no one seems to keep .

I have Pepsi.
From yesturday .
But it's still yummi.
... Thought you should know.
& today is Civies day .

& she didn't know what she
wanted, she only knew who and that
was the boy that broke
her heart .

I have to go and attempt to
do a Religion attempt.
Byebyee ; ♥

[ Note: This is done on.. April 30th, 2009.
But since I saved this as a draft on the 24th or
whatever.. I guess it decided it goes BEFORE
The one on the 28th ( the one above this. ) ]

ιt hurts thε most whεη you'rε thε oηe who brokε your hεαrt;

Does anyone believe in fate these days?
I mean, anyone .
It's kind of far-fetched isn't it ?
" What is meant to happen, will happen."
Obviously .
them fortune tellers.
Blah.
LIES .
I just think our choices make our future
without, like, the whole:
Your future is already made
type thing .
In Loveless, it speaks about how his
fighter [ destined partner ] is out there
and how they connect buy a red
string-looking thing .
Kind of cool .
Just because it's in loveless. lol ; : D

She thinks I'm crazy, judging
by the faces she's making.
And I think she's pretty.
But pretty is just a part of everything
she does that amazes me .

I handed out resume's today .
Pizza Hut, Burger King, Wendy's, KFC/Tacobell,
Harvey's, Bookstore, Jumbo video,
and there is one more but I don't remember.
Anyway, it was funny.
I was so happy when I gave my resume to
Pizza hut [ First place I went to. ]
But Matthew was grumpy still .
BLAH .
Oh, yeah.
He was with me btw. : D
He helped me with a couple applications.
Go, me .

When a girl hates you the way she hates you,
it means she likes you.
That's basic kindergarden phsycology .

I'm itchy.
and I have a pimple on my chin.
Ugh.

Oh, yesturday I couldn't wear any make-up
because I was stupid
and told Matthew I wouldn't.
And I didn't.
Wear any .
It was sad.
Verrry tragic, really .
All day, I was totally on gaurd.
I was ready to attack .
But people still thought I was wearing
make-up . Creepers .
Obviously I wasn't.
My skin looks gross and my eyes are HUGE .
Ah well .

"Do you remember when you were a
little kid and you wanted toy
really bad when you went to the
store
but your mom wouldn't let you
get it, no matter how much you
begged? Well, thats how I feel about
you. " - Me reciting a quote.
"You better not get taken back for a
refund." - Mattchew♥

Um, I'm cold .
And have old age spots.
Ahhahhaa .
I should get my--
Can you put botox in your ass ?
I'm curious.
I asked my doctor but I forget
what he said .
I think he said, " Maybe,
but people usually don't do that . "
Or something.
I don't know.
I'll ask him again next time .
Speaking of Doctor..
I skipped Friday to go there.
But noooo, they were closes and my mum
didn't have the car, so we had to go in
Taxi . [ Third time being in one. ]
She wasted $30 on nothing!
I wanted to ask Dr. Reid if
Birthcontrol can cause risk for
pregnancy . The priest says it does
but I want to verify it .
And something else but I don't
remember.
: /

It is not the kiss itself,
but the moment right before the lips
touch, that leaves you speechless .

I have new pictures of Matthew.
Being silly .
With my Twilight poster above my bed.
Did I say I switched my room around a
couple weeks ago ?
I don't remember, but I did .
Annnnnnnd,
it looks better than before.
Annnnnnnd,
The last blog, before this, I did
I don't remember.
I think I was half asleep .
I remember bits and pieces.
I remember the convers and laughing
about it . But,
I don't remember putting it in my blog
all that much .
Sorry, Dentsu . : D
But I'm kind of happy I did .

The spaces between our fingers were
made so another persons fingers
could fill them♥ .

Alright, I think I am done .
It's 9:37pm.
And my mum will tell me to get off soon.
Because that is what moms do .
: /
So I love everyone who reads this.

Oh! Wait!
Tina;
We still have to talk about the blog
we are going to make together.
We keep forgetting.
And we have history together,
that is kind of funny.
Lame, though.
hahaa , : )


♫' I ℓove you so much, мαттcнεω♥


Let's slow dance
& be the couple
Everyone wishes they could be . <3

ι would rαthεr fιght wιth you thαn mαkε lovε to somεonε εlsε♥.

Hello .

Jeannine's laundry service;

What's your favourite colour ?
I used to pick up the phone and say that .
Some people would say,

" Sorry wrong number."

Which was really funny.

Or.. They would just skip to the point.
" Is Jeannine ( Or Vicky.. or Gary..) There ?"

I'd have to repeat it and say louder..
" What's your favourite colourr???"

Friend got used to it after awhile and answered

their favourite colour.

My mum banned me from doing that .

I liked it.
Still do . Meaghan sort of made it up .

Ahhahhaa. I'll take the credit. >_>

Thought I should bring that up .

Ahahaa.

You are the answer to

every prayer I've offered .

You are a song, a dream, a whisper,

and I don't know how I could live

without you for as long as I have .

I love you, more than you

can ever imagine.

I always have and always will .

[ The Notebook . ]

SEE THAT MATTHEW ?
Blah.

I love you.

More than anything. Ever.

If that made sense.

We've already planned our future together

It would be a waste to just throw it away.

If we fall out of love..

Trust me, we'll fall back in.

As long as you love me,

I will always love you.

The toothfairy teaches children

that they can sell their body parts for

money.

I blame her for prostitution.

I think I have a pimple below

my left eyebrow. Oo

That would kind of suck .
Since it's so sensitive there.

arg .

I'm hungry, too .

Ahhahaa,
I popped Mattchew's "tumor"

on his ear lobe.
It was HUGE.

It was actually a pimple.
I'm never going to get over that .

Never.

So my pimple..

Wait- Maybe it's just swollen

because of.. something ? Oo
Misquito?
Are they even out yet ?

Maybe I hit my eye off a wall or something.

Could have happened without me

realising it, I think . xD

Maybe.

He acts like he doesn't give a fuck .

But we all know he's falling apart

without her smile .

[xD Denzu:
"Mr.McCallum just admitted

he doesn't have a life;

So , I'm happy. xD"

lol wtf

THat's funny and sad at the same time >.>
Me:
INDEEEED .
xD Denzu:
xD

This is your teacher?

Lol nice role model xDD
Me:
I know .He's a pedophile .
xD Denzu:
...well

ow

what the hell

ANd everyone knows this? xDD
Me:

.. probly not .
xD Denzu:
cry out pedophile

and see if he responds

It works...I've never tried

But I think it works]

One day I will . One day . xD

Children seldom misquote you,

in fact, they usually repeat

word for word what you shouldn't

have said.

[Denzu:
Getting ready to move

So I've been packing for the past 2 weeks
Me:
ooo.. inside your town or city.. or.. like, diff town/city/country ?
Denzu:
Either staying here in TN

Or Atlanta, Georgia
Me:
TN ?
Denzu:
Tennesee
Me:

ooo, right.i forgot .
Denzu:
lol np

Canada right?
Me:

mhmm
I am one of those idiots who do say, " EH?" btw. lol
Denzu:
XDD

That's awesome lmao

Accents ftw xP
Me:

accents ?
Denzu:
Well

Isn't that a Canadian accent?

Or am I wrong T_T
Me:
no . lol

its not an accent.

LOL
Denzu:

XDD

Whever

I call it an accent

So it is T_T ]

I like escalators cause
escalators never break.
They just become stairs.

And mαybe I wish you would cry yourself to sleep, just once, like I did for you so mαny times.

So..
I was failing Civics with a 40%
And I'm slowly handing things in so I can atleast pass .
I have Career Studies now .
I have Mr. White.
He seems decent.. for now .
Everyone keeps saying "he's annoying",
"thinks he owns the school", and that he's full of himself.
But whatever.
I'll see .

I should have been brave enough to
ask your name,
Instead of screaming, " I cannot contain my lust! "
Now you probably think I'm a creep.

So, I was just saying goodnight/ good-bye to Matthew,
and, like, on the way down the stairs I heard my mum
talking to him bout something.
I asked what was going on..
And she said for him to stay on
lit up streets.
Apparently the cops [ oink oink . >_< ]
are looking for someone.
She said that she knows because they only
put on all of their lights when they are looking for
someone.
And when Matthew and I were out there,
I saw a car back up in my neighbors
parking lot.
& someone out there with a flashlight.
Clearly, it's the police . : /
So, I banned him from the hill .
AND I told him to call me when he gets home.
If he doesn't.
He's not coming over tomorrow.
humph. >: [

Charm is a way of getting the
answer " yes " without having
asked a clear question♥ .

Um, Yeah..
I have to go to bed now.
Oh, wait--
A bit more. : D

Matthew was tired today
and grumpy. Kind of funny.
Tried to refrain from laughing.
He cheered up a couple hours before
he had to go though.
So, I'm happy.

Star light, Star bright;
make this heartbreak end tonight.
I wish I may, I wish I might;
Get over this boy & give up the fight.

Terry broke up with Ben .
GASP .
Terry thinks Ben is an asshole.
...gasp.. >_>
She told Ben that she still loves her
Ex boyfriend, Cameron.
True, but she still broke up with him
because he's an ass.
Ahahhahaa. Funny .
Um, He kind of is. Sorta.
: / damn .

And it's a sad picture.
The final blow hits you.
Somebody else gets what you wanted again.

It doesn't mαtter who, when or where.. You cαn αlwαys use α hug.

Matthew sleeping.
You gotta admit. This picture is really cute. : D


























I'm going to bed. *sigh*
Get better, Mattchew♥
I love you.

αll I wαnted wαs α fαiry tαle ending,

Kai, This is a reply to Tina's blog.
Sorta.
She doesn't know it yet.

Until she sees the comment I left on her last blog .

Anyway , I said near the beginning I'd put stories in.
I want to write a scene with vampires in it right now.

Because I still love vampires♥.

I'm wearing the Twilight shirt right now.
WIEEEERD .

----------------------

I think I could fix myself; If I knew I was broken.

I wonder the streets, scared and queasy, wrapping my arms tightly around myself. My breath becomes steam in the icy air and my cheeks are red. The street is dark and filled with rats crawling over garbage. I step further into the alley and groan. The air pushes me, forcing my blond hair to blind me. I'm scared.

" Megan, listen to me. I need your help. You know I love you, right ? And we're definitely best friends..." I can hear Laura's voice echoing in my head, " Ever wonder if vampires exist, Megan? I have.. and I don't want to go alone. Come with me! Please!"

I step on a branch and freeze. Looking down, I sigh in relief but suddenly hear footsteps. I whip my body around quickly, but not fast enough. Hands grip my wrists and throw me to the wall. My mind becomes blank as I listen to the hissing from in front of me. I blink hard, open my eyes slowly and peer down at the sharp yellow eyes staring me down.

" Hi?" I ask, my voice shaking.

Hi ? What kind of idiot are you ? I think .

" Hi." The voice mumbles back .

It speaks!

" How are you?" I begin.

He grunts and mumbles something I don't understand. I shuffle my feet as I feel the beads of sweat trickle down the sides of my face. I decide to make an attempt, " D-Do you mind.. Letting my wrists go?" I close my eyes, hard.

The pressure on my wrists disappear. I open my eyes in surprise and stand straighter, watching the boy with yellow eyes. He grunts again, looking towards the ground. I rub the uncomfortable spots, slowly and examine him. His dark hair, dark coat with very little detail, and his pale face made him, sort of, attractive. I've never seen such pale skin. And his yellow eyes pierce through me like he can see everything.

I remember Laura's words again, as if she's standing beside me, "Go to this alley. Apparently, many appearances have been made there. I'll try and meet you there." I freeze.

My mouth gapes open. This boy???

" Boy, How old are you?" I ask without thinking, without realising the danger I could be in if he's a vampire. Or angry, for that matter.

" Seventeen." He speaks, clearly this time. Suspicious.

" .. How old are you?" I say it differently this time, my voice stronger.

" Seventeen. " He pauses slightly. " You know, don't you?"

" Know, what ?"

He steps closer to me. I step back against the wall and smooth my hand out against the cold, wet brick. His hand slaps the brick beside my head and his face comes closer. The brick cracks. I can feel his breath against my face. A sweet scent. " I'm a vampire, of course."

I gulp. I didn't think he would say that so bluntly.

" You already knew that, though, didn't you?" His voice starts to sound terrifying. I start to deny but he shakes his head, his yellow eyes brighter, " You're lying. I can hear your heartbeat, you know. "

He leans in, slowly and kisses me.

His soft, yet cold, lips against mine feels so right. I close my eyes. He slides his tongue into my mouth and out. It feels good. I kiss back. He begins to get more aggressive. My eyes shoot open and I push him away. Oh my god. Oh my god.

He inches back towards me and puts his hands around my waist. He brushes his cheek against mine and whispers in my ear, softly. " I want you. " He leans down, licks my neck and moans slightly. I hear the hissing sound again.

He bites me.

-----------------------

Matthew is sleepin.
So cute. : D

Btw, when he says that she's lying and speaks

bout her heartbeat.
When people lie, their heartbeat gets faster.

True story.
I learned it on CSI .
I never thought I'd use that useless information, though.

hahaa, : )

You're tempted to break my heart; I can tell .

I just realised there is foam in the girl toothbush's

mouth. AHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAA .

So, I'm in class right now.
Mr. McCallum caught me. >.<
I didn't hand in a big project..
So now I have to work on it. *cries*
I know what to do now.
I.. think .
He just caught me
attempting to create this blog.

[ Which I have been doing for... about 20 minutes now. ]

lmao . : )
Mr.McCallum just admitted
he doesn't have a life;
So , I'm happy. xD

There's a girl in my mirror crying tonight,
& there's nothing that I can say
to make her feel better .

I am, officially, a pepsi-holic.
I need pepsi,
therefore... Cally bought me one . : D
I have my pepsi.
therefore... I have HAPPY .

The most stupid mistake in life is
thinking the one who hurt you the most,
won't hurt you again .

Alalala,
It's raining.
Cally is being frustrating.
I made her a blog.
I may have made a huge mistake. Dx

I want to be the only hand;
you ever need to hold .