And I swear that you don't have to go .

He's gone .


I'm pathetic.

It's only been approxiamately

5 to 6 hours.

I miss him already .

" You think I loved someone else before you?
I wasn't even capable of love before I met you.

I was capable of heartbreak.

I never let anyone into my heart

enough to really have it broken too badly.

you're the only one who's ever, really,

been in my heart."

[ Bayley Turner ]

I'd be lying if I said losing you was something I could handle.

My new favourite song right now is my by
Mayday Parade called, " Three Cheers For Five Years "
I've been playing it over and over. And over.
Annnd, oh.
My mommy and I kept fighting this week.
About my homework and stuff.
I yelled back, of course.
I called her up to my room to get things over with.
Another fight started up.
Nothing was solved . : /

Inside I hope you know I'm dying
With my heart beside me
In shattered pieces that may never be replaced .

Currently yawning.
I'm tired .
In school today .. Our periods were shortened.
They were 50-55 minutes each .
10 minute break still .
I couldn't hand in two assignments in English;
One being my ISU
[ BUT, I asked for an exstension a few days ago. ]
And my creative assignment on which Tina didn't
help me with.
Not fun.
Religion = Re-test.
I probably did um, HORRIBLY .
Everyone in the class had to do a re-test.
No one knew anything.
We kept asking for next week but nooooo,
Mr.Mayer gave it to us anyway . : /
lame.
BUT, I finished the test early and went to the
library to finish my history letter that was due
next period. Mr. McCabe.
I'm amazing.
.. Then lunch I saw Mattchew. : D
Of course. >.<>'Cause all these years that
her lungs have been breathing,
she's used her heart for
everything but beating.

Since today .. or yesturday.. is/was Friday
and the 2nd last day till Mattchew leaves me..
My mommy let me stay out till 12am.
It was great .
We went to the store.
I found out he has a fetish for chocolate chips.
Ew.
And we ALSO found out.. that his dip he planned
on using for his Ruffle chips.. Was suppose to be
refridgerated after opening it the first time.
Which was funny .
" I'll have the shits after this."
He said. He'll have the shits if the dip was bad. xD
I didn't get it at first.
Oopsiee.

He reached for her hand,
" I don't want to lose you. "
His voice was almost a whisper.
She could feel the tears again,
& she fought them back.
" But you don't want to keep me, either, do you?"
To that, he had no response.

I'm going to make cookies in the morning. : D
For Mattchew on the way home.
Annnnnd I get to meet his mom .
!!!
He almost made me cry in Rexall.
it was horrible.
I started tearing up and when he went
to touch me, I shoved him away . Dx
Sad isn't it ?
BUT, it was because if he touched me
I would've started bawling.
He's leaving tomorrow/ today .
At 4 or 5pm.
Happy? no .
Depressed? Not yet.
Going to be? Do I REALLY need to answer that ? : /
Talking to myself. Sort of.
I'm amazing.
AND
When Mattchew walked me home.
It was raining.
Dark. Spooky. Creepy.
It was SO hard to say bye.
When I closed the door I started crying.
I went to go to bed but then my mum
offered me the computer.
I said I'd only check my email but I ended
up doing this.
I got on around 12:30am.
It' 1:48am now. I'm slow.
And challenged.
I need friends. LOL

Truth is, I gave my heart away a long
time ago, my whole heart,
and I never really got it back .
[ Sweet Home Alabama ]

Mattchew needs to pack .
I need to sleep .
Gotta get up at 6:30am
to bake cookies and get things ready
for him to leave.
Happy, Happy. -___-'

Oh, and Tia got fixed.
Hahaa.
That's what she gets for being a little shit.
>_>'

I'm forgetting something but
I don't have time now.
Fill it in later.
Going to bed. Dx

& then you threw me up against the wall;←

Hi .
Um, there's SORT of lots to talk about.
i'm not going to use quotes because I'm
downstairs on the computer and I don't
have my quotebook with me .
I'll explain laaaaterr. Dx

[ → ]

So . Ryan (Henderson) got beaten up.
Which I find ... funny .
I feel bad about finding it amusing
but I really can't help myself .
Ryan threatened my friend Cassie and
a girl named Jessica Loveless
[ Best last name ever : ) ]
and then, out of nowhere,
12 people show up .
At first Ryan and Matthew
[ Who has nothing to do with it ]
were negotiating with the people.
But then later, when Matthew left
to go to the store, they beat the shit
out of Ryan.
The police were there and whatever by
the time Mattchew got back . : /
The door was kicked in AND they
stole Ryans laptop . xD
So now he's all paranoid about being alone.

Before Matthew walked me home at 10pm today
He was pretending to have a panic attack .
his step-father died today .
And he kept saying he sees his ghost and stuff.
[ I just hit my mum in the face. xD not hard though,
"thank god. " ]
He is such a creep .

[ ← ]

I.. I heard that racoon thing.
I previously talked about in another blog.
I was doint the blog.
Then I heard the growling and it scared me.
Not like - Jumping in the air, scared.
My eyes started to tear up.
I told Mattchew
"I hear it again.
It lives in my backyard MATTHEW!
It LIVES THERE
I HEARD IT GROWLING AND EATING OR SOMETHING"
And he replied by stating the already known fact that
I am, indeed, "screwed."
But I asked him why he thought that and he wouldn't
tell me..
when he did he said,
"i mean your screwed because of that big bug?"
Because ouside arounf 11pm, there was
this large month-like bug and we were
both jumping all over the place.
So, I asked,
"You thought I was talking bout the BUG ? -.-' "
Clearly. He did .
That's sad .
But.. I'm going to be jumping for the next
couple days.
I have to go to bed right now, too .
going to Toronto to help clean my Grandpa's house.

[ → ]

So, the computer thing.
Yeah -> mom's computer hard drive got FRIED
so she's using mine.
Which means
- I won't be on as much.
- I'll be really bored. all the time .
- I'm going to have to listen to her complain when I want to go on.
[ Love you, Mom... ]
- I won't be able to talk as much .
-DEPRESSING because..
- NO ANIME. AH .

BUT.. I'll be stalking the phone more .
bwahaha ;

[ ← ]

I think thats it .
The arrow thing is pretty cool, eh ?
You want to know?
Too bad.
Magicians never reveal their secrets.

[ → ]

OH btw .
I watched " the Boy in Striped Pajamas"
In religion.
SO SAD .
It was an alright movie, though.
Some people were crying at the end, even
though this movie isn't the kind that you
really cry at.
It was too... short, really .
When Mr. Mayer went to turn on the lights
he stopped and said forget it .
I THINK THATS THE NICEST THING HE HAS EVER DONE .

[ ← ]

&& Mr. Cassidy.
I hate him.
he kicked me out of class because I was
getting my assignment for history.
lame.
I had him for, like ,3 times ..
in the past week or so .
UGH .
I wished for him to retire but then I realised
he already is retired. : /
Just - Stop working!!!
*face palm*

Flying is learning to throw yourself at the grounnd && missingg . : D

I like this picture.

It's great.

The guy isn't that pretty though. : /

thats a bit.. meh .

Um, I have a new favourite website.
it's great.
www.fmylife.com
I think I'm annoying Mattchew with it,
but hopefully he'll bare with it.
Until I don't like it anymore .
I've read 29 pages of Sex misfortunes.
Really funny.
I signed up for it, too . : D

There comes a time when you look in the mirror
& realise that what you see is
all that you will ever be .
And then you accept .
Or you kill yourself .
Or you stop looking in mirrors .

I don't really have anything to talk about.

So, yeah .

oh, Um.. Shiloh has been sending

me new songs.

So I got more Mayday parade and

bands I have never heard of .
But I like them .

If we threw our problems in a pile
and saw everyone else's,
we would quickly grab ours back .

So, Shiloh invited me to this thing
last night.
I just remembered when I was
talking about never hearing of
them.

She invited me to this cafe

downtown called

Organic Underground.
Bands play there. Not, like

stupid old bands or whatever..

I mean bands that are emo or punk

and stuff.
If you have a band, you can play there.

so Shiloh made me go because

Joshie's band [ Hero for the Weak]

was going to play .

But the whole, she was basically crying

because Joshie's girlfriend was there.

And he was basically snubbing her .

I told Shiloh, it was obvious that

it was going to happen. Because

Ashley [ Joshie's girlfriend ] knew

that Joshie likes Shiloh.

and Ashley is jealous.

Meh .

So Shiloh dragged me with her to take

a walk, so she can basically bawl her

eyes out and eat Dorito's, while I

attempt [ Not really . ] at cheering

her up .

Thennn .....

Shiloh & I had to go to the bathroom

and she said to meet her at the table,

but I couldn't GET to the table..
So I just figured I'd go for a walk .

I stood near the closed bus station for

awhile..
& then sat down in market square;

looking for someone to ask for a quarter.

It really pissed me off how we have to pay

50 cents for a phone call that would last,

like, 15 seconds.

Honestly.

Well, anyway .
I was crying the whole time.
Because I'm so stupid that if the tiniest

thing goes wrong. I cry.

I'm pathetic like that . Seriously.

I got 25 cents from a little oldish lady

and I phoned Mattchew.

I tried not to cry, so he wouldn't rush

over, but once I heard his voice..
it was really hard.

I had to put my hand over the mouthpiece,

where I spoke, to muffle some.

But he still heard it and he came.

Quick .

I keep apologising because I feel bad.

Like.. REALLY bad .

Of course, I knew that he would think

crazy thoughts. Like me being raped.

I didn't think of that .
I just wanted to see him right there

when I was depressed and..

and.. I don't know.
I was settling down till I saw him.

I started bawling again.

My make-up was shit.

I tried fixing it before he came;
But didn't work.

He had to fix it for me .

Then I went back to Shiloh and told her

I was going to get food to eat and that
I'll be back by 10.

Went to Mattchew's and had food.

We talked it over slowly and he cheered

me up .

I'm really happy that I was able to talk to him.

It made me really happy . : )
And even though I called him over for some-

thing stupid.

He was still there .

So, I'm glad.



I said it in past tense.
But I don't know how to say it in present tense.
It kinds.. got messed up near the end.
Forgive me, xD!
I love you, Mattchew♥
It rhyms.

Too lazy to look in my quote book for a decent quote. bah .

I look horrible.
But I didn't feel like putting the picture
of me pretending to threaten Meatloaf
with the end of the sign .
So, Pro-Life, hmm .
[ March for Life . ]
So, like - It was on
Thursday, May 14th. 8:30am-7pm
Took 3 flippin hours to get to Ottawa
and another 3 hours back .
Meatloaf kept complaining
saying he'll miss lessons for his
bass guitar thinger .
.. dude - I think the guy will understand..
..y'know, since, it was do with SCHOOL ;
anyway .

I was talking to Meatloaf..
And literally walked into a METAL sign .
I have a bruise from it, sort of .
It hurts but the skin isn't like, yellow or
purple or anything yet .
yet - ><
Meatloaf told me not to feel bad since
he hit his head off his mailbox that morning.
I think he should have been the moron of
the day in his blog .
HE COULD SEE THE MAILBOX.
I didn't know the sign was there .
Thanks, Meatloaf.
BUT, you'll be the imbecile of the day
on my blog . xD

It rained, too .
Made me miserable.
NOT TO MENTION. [ omg. ]
A group of people kept singing the same
damn song over and over again for the
walk, which lasted about an hour,
too many old people.

We are the pro-life
[we are the prolife]
The mighty, mighty pro-life...

GAHHSRK:HS:RHJNRS
I just wanted to kill them with an
abortion sign and say ,
" Abortion kills people. "
xD amused.

Every night, you smile in your sleep.
But, who am I kidding?
You're not thinking of me .

I'd like to point out that
I may be blond;
But I got all my brains from my
mother.
-> She just realised there is a little
chat box on facebook to talk
to people who are online.
That's kind of sad.
><

One night, the moon said to me,
" If he makes you cry, why don't you leave him?"
I paused for awhile then
I looked back at the moon
and said... " Moon, would you
ever leave your sky ?"

Um .
I have 3 ISU's to do .
I'm sad.
I have Religion .
[ Poster, brochure, reflection, questions.. ]
I havee.. history .
[ Information poster on some random famous person.]
And academic english.
[ 1000-1200 word essay for my book " Secret Life of Bees " ]
Plus little assignments like, Romeo & Juliet Act assignments
for Enligsh because i'm getting a 54 .
I didn't hand in 5 assignments.
In history I didn't hand in two things. : /
World War One war letter and a memorial thing .
Blah.
I don't know if I'll do the little assignments or not .
I'm getting a 42 in religion so far.
On my last report card atleast. *cries*

Stranger things have happened;
Stranger things have been loved.

I'm falling asleep here .
OH .
Me and mattchew.
Want a tatoo .
He's all :
" We should get a picture of two dandilions
and have it say ' no matter how many times
you stomp on me; I'll be here tomorrow.' "
But, no way .
For a tat ? LOL
But.. then again.
Mine is kind... woooOOoOoOooO, too . lol
I said,
" We should have a bleach detergent thing and
under it, it can say ' We're a big fan of bleach.' "
Because Matthew and I love the anime,
Bleach . So I thought it would be funny
but he basically said it was lame.
*cries*

Once upon a time, I was falling in love,
but now, I'm falling apart .
[ Total Eclipse of the Heart. ]

I may write story soon .
So, yeah .
& I feel like I'm not talking bout something.
But I forget.
Oh, other than :
Shiloh & I are going to a live thingy tomorrow
at Organic Underground. : /

Bands. Blah .

So yeah .

Long weekend, too .

Monday is off .

Fearing a man is a joke. I believe that if he can breathe, then he can choke .

Hi .
Um, I know it's been awhile.
A long time, really . xD
I attempted to create a post before this
but when I tried to save,
it didn't, I guess.
Well, I can't find it anywhere.
*face palm*
I have gum [ Stride- Forever Fruit. ]
& I had pepsi . Gone now.
Tragic, really .

Who said that
it's better to have loved and lost?
I wish that I had never
loved at all .
[ Boys like Girls. ]

I don't remember what I was going
to say on my last post ;
But whatever. I'll continue as if
I did one before anyway .
Tina is an idiot.
for doing drugs.
Go her .
When she see's this she's going to be mad.
But Tina, Let me say this straight out :
" If you continue to use drugs, you can
have fun WITHOUT me .
Because as far as I'm concerned,
people who do drugs are just wasting
their life away .
I don't need people like that near me ."
Basically .
You can brag about the stupid moments
you had or whatever;
[ I'm glad you had fun. ]
But, eventually I just won't care.
You have fun with that .
You're not impressing anyone. trust me.

We could pack up, leave our things behind.
No fact, or fiction or storyline.
I need you more than just for tonight.

Meatloaf is an idiot too .
And Johnny.
Meatloaf because he hugs to hard
and squeezes me till it hurts.
Which, by the way, he won't be doing
anymore 'cause I told hiom I don't
want him touching me.
And Johnny because I hate him.
I tell him everything and he acts
like he doesn't CARE .
I should, just, stop talking to him
about anything.
And I could.
If he read this he would say that I couldn't
not talk to him.
But I can now because I have Matthew and..
other random people online.
and in the summer I'll make new best friends..
While Matthew is gone and.. *cries*

Sometimes I wish you would pay more
attention to my favourite songs
because the lyrics they sing are
the words I am scared to say .
[ Paramore ]

It rained today .
I don't like rain.
But nor do I hate it .
I wish I was little again.
So much easier than now, with school
and family issues.
HA! And my obsession over my brother.
Geez; that is so embarassing.
Oh, and my two puppy's :
Charlotte and Lucy.
So cute.
But then my dad gave them away or
whatever and told me they ran away .
I found out later from my brother
that Dad gave them to Pet Cetra or
something like that . GEEZ .

The night we met,
my mouth said, " Nice to meet you."
my heart said, " Oh, I've found you. "

I asked Meatloaf to do my English
comparison paper because I was too lazy .
I asked Shiloh, but of course, she said no .
He did it on Full Metal Alchemist.
I got a 70% .
Woot. >.>

There's a few things that I need you to know.
Like the way I felt when we were close,
& how the stars explode everytime you are near.

Today is Mr. Bunton's birthday .
Mr. Burchat [ Mr.Bunton's bro-in-law]
came in during class with a mini cake
and a present.
when Mr.Burchat said,
" How old do you think Mr. Bunton is ? 53 ?"
Mr.Bunton started chuckling, looking at
his brother saying, " Fuck you..."
The whole class laughed their asses off.
Mr.Bunton is not the type of person
you'd ever see saying that .
Anyway, When he open the present
[ After Mr.Burchat left. ]
and saw that it was chocolates, he commented
saying, " Great. Another thing to fatten me up . "
It was great.

Maybe Cupid should shoot himself
with his own damn arrow - then,
maybe, he'd see how much
love hurts .

Mattchew is leaving. Most likely.
Definitely... *face palm*
He was telling me earlier aboooouuut.
Um, hold on. I gotta remember. >_<
* 10 seconds laterrr; *
Oh, if he's leaving.
He'll be in Timmins by a Sunday, I think .
and he'll start work the day after.
Which, kind of, sucks.
But since he's a work-a-holic.
I don't mind.
It's his choice, right ? : )
UM, he said he'd visit me in June.
and maybe a second visit before he comes
back in August.
But I told him no .
Because with him coming back, even though I
know he's going to timmins again, it will be hard
when he actually leaves.
For the both of us.
As much as I'd love it..
It would hurt too much . A lot, really .
I don't like it .
So, during summer I'm probably going to hide in
my room so then he doesn't have to worry about
me falling for someone else.
Swimming is a whole different story though.
I look horrible in a bathing suit -
So I don't think he has to worry bout it; xD .
Oh, plus: I should be pre-occupied with
a job, too . ^_^
GASP. What if I meet Jordan again ?!
THAT WOULD BE SO AWKWARD .
Meh. Tina; If I see him.
I'll give you his number, so you can
call him. Kaii ? lol

When my tears fall,
they will fall on the lips you once kissed .

March for Life is coming this Thursday .
Skipping school to go to Ottawa to
support the right to life.
woot.
Skipping school...
Skipping school...
Skipping schoooool...

And Mr. Mayer told his UFO and
The pig story.
Not even worth mentioning, except the fact
that in the UFO story.. Someone asked
if he believed in aliens and he responded,
" Of course. I believe in God, don't I ?"
That is insulting to your holy ghost,
Mr. Mayer. LMAO .
And the piggy story.
Omg, he said the word "tits" more than
ever heard in my life. xD

Anyway, I'm ending this. it's too long.
Byee; ♥